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  • Writer's picturestrengthintruth


Updated: Feb 10

Whilst the Bible does not provide specific guidance for finding a husband or wife, it does say that marriage should be in the Lord[1], believers should not marry un-believers[2].

Marriage was created by God to be between one man and one woman[3][4]. God gave Adam his wife Eve to be a help meet to him, and for the begetting of children. Marriage is honourable and a good thing to desire[5][6], but casual relationships are not. Dating should only ever be considered with a view to finding someone suitable to eventually marry. Casual intimate relationships are condemned by scripture[7].

Today, we seem to have four stages in a relationship, it starts with dating, then the couple say they are in a relationship, engagement follows, and finally marriage; the Bible does not make these distinctions. The custom in Bible times was engagement and then marriage, that was it. The bride was normally selected for the bridegroom, and they weren’t allowed to be alone before marriage. What a difference!

We need to pray for wisdom, discernment and guidance every step of life, just like Cornelius in Acts 10 who prayed to God always[8].

It is always best to spend plenty of time getting to know eachother, before deciding to go on a date. Do not look at dating as scoring a catch, you should consider what is best for you both. Always be 100% genuine, do not deceive to get what you want; it will not end well.

Whilst physical attraction is necessary, it is not the glue that will bind a successful marriage together. The Bible reveals that inner beauty is of far more importance than outer beauty[9] [10]. You should enjoy just talking, and being in each other’s company. Holding hands, hugging, and kissing are not necessary to build a strong friendship relationship, critical for a successful future marriage.

Whilst desiring marriage is good, we must remember that anything we desire more than God is idolatry. God requires us to love Him with all our heart, mind and soul[11], who achieves this standard? The answer is no-one, except the God man, the Lord Jesus Christ, which is why we need His righteousness and obedience to be given to us so that it becomes ours, we need His righteousness to cover our unrighteousness[12], this is the gift of God[13]; shall He not give good things to them that ask Him?[14]

Do not make marriage the priority of your life. Your need of salvation, a relationship with God, and to serve him are the most important things. Desperate people do desperate things, desperation is unattractive. If you are desperate, you are more likely to yield to the temptation of going with someone who will not be a godly spouse, who will not bring you closer to God, but instead lead you further away.

Therefore take no thought, saying, what shall we eat? Or, what shall we drink? Or, wherewithal shall we be clothed? For after all these things do the Gentiles seek: for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you[15].

Remembering that:

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world[16].

Bible References [click links below to read references]

[16] James 1:27.


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